In neeed of... something

I need to make some changes
A lot of changes
Major changes
Ive been told that i need to become more optimistic, the way i used to be. And i think i agree.
People notice the big change in me, which occured shortly before ramadhaan, without knowing the reason behind it, only are they aware of the reason from shortly after ramadhaan, which only pushed me down farther.
Lately i had been feelng like im on a never-ending waterslide, going down, down, down, and just feeling weak and tired and defeated. What kind of attitude is this? lol this is so unlike me.. although im not really sure what IS like me these days, as ive sort of lost myself. After a long and rather meaningful conversation with someone they told me that i should sit down and write on a paper.. what i want in life, what i want for myself etc. At the time, i responded by saying that this isnt the kind of list i want to make (i usually stick to grocery lists with the ocassional pro/con list of something or other), and that id rather have someone else write it for me. Now i realize thats just ridiculous since thats the very thing im running from in the first place.. i dont want someone to plan my life for me (if they dont understand me).. im capable of doing it, and if i expect to stop being treated like a baby, maybe i should grow up, stop being a little girl and get out of this hole ive been in.
I always wanted to have someone who did understand me, so i would have someone to plan my life, speak for me, tell me what to do (its so much simpler than having to figure everything out alone) and just.. understand me. But now that i know this is not the reality of my life, i need to get over it. Its not going to happen. I will accept it now.
Im a very weird person, sometimes im nto even sure about myself lol
Ive been feeling much more up than down lately, past couple days. Which is an absolutely unexpected but welcomed change ! Alhamdulillaah !
Maybe im finally starting to recover from things that have happened. And although i dont expect to stop having the hard days in which im just depressed, but i think this may be the start of a better me, inshaAllaah. Like my precious Karimeh has in her display name.. "its a long road, when you face the world alone" butt how can i forget? He Who Has No One Has Allaah.
I want to find myself, cuz like everyone else.. im starting to miss me. =)
Anyway ill stop babbling on and on now lol, ill post later inshaAllaah when i get some time online. InshaAllaah i get some time online, cuz im reallyyyy in need of being around some deenin' people right now !!!!! lol Meyeh i miss you, yaaa Allaaah!

I was going to comment here about people who are not honest with me, but ive decided that its not worth it =) im over it.. its whatever.

may Allaah forgive us all and make us better worshippers of Him, Aameen.